10 Rocking Hallowen Costume Ideas for Black Women

/

Halloween is almost here. I originally planned to attend one of Kid Fury's

Trilloween parties

 (either in DC or NYC) butttttttt the way my bank account works, you see, is... (if you do not know this cultural reference, you need to make friends with the Google). Long story short, I can't afford to travel out of town to party for a weekend (after doing it last weekend). So, now I will be spending my Halloween in Boston and luckily I have a party to attend. Now my task is to find a kickass costume. 

Last year, I was super creative and went as Captain Save-a-Hoe. I got a lot of compliments on my original (and budget-friendly) costume. 

This year I want to be creative, fun, and a little sexy. And, I really want to be all of those things while portraying a strong, black female character. Here are some of the ideas I came up with: 

Storm from the X-men

Carmen Jones (as portrayed by Dorothy Dandridge)

Josephine Baker in her famous Banana Dance costume 

Catwoman (as portrayed by Eartha Kitt)

Janet Jackson in her Pleasure Principle video

Vixen of Justice League

Beyonce from Feeling Myself video

North West as Kanye West

Bumblebee from Teen Titans

Uhura from Stark Trek

What I Wore: College Homecoming Event

/

This past weekend was the homecoming weekend for my alma mater, Columbia University. I haven't been able to attend any homecoming events since I moved out of New York 6 years ago. The last time I was able to attend an event was 2008. So, I was super excited that I was able to attend this year's Black Homecoming Event, hosted by the Black Alumni Council of Columbia University. I pulled out all of the stops: new dress, hair professionally done, and my best nail art.

Here is what I wore: 

Columbia University Class of 2005 (and a special member of Class of 2007). Providence Night Club, NY, 2015. 

Finding the Perfect Jeans For Curvy Girls (With Thick Thighs)

/

For curvy women, finding a great pair of jeans that are flattering and affordable is hard, especially if you are part of my particular sect of the Women with Curves club---the Thick Thighs Crew. Unlike women with those highly sought-after thigh gaps, women like me with big thighs and disproportionately smaller waists are lucky if we can find jeans with spandex in them. The jeans that I  typically find at the local mall are either too big in the waist or can't get passed my thighs (without a lot of dancing and struggling and deep breaths).

As a curvy woman who added on a few more curves over during Snowmaggedon 2015, I have actually avoided wearing jeans for the past 6 months because I can't fit the ones in my closet (they look real nice on the hangers). For most of this year, I have turned to leggings--a curvy girl's best friend. But, after seeing a post on

Hey Fran Hey's blog about how she found a flattering pair of curvy girl friendly jeans, the Levi's 721 High-Rise Skinny Jeans. Inspired by her, I hit Macy's and tried on about 10 pairs of the 721 and of the Levi's 311 Shaping Skinny Jeans.

The 721 fit me, but the 311 fit me so much better. The 311 features tummy slimming technology and feels so soft on the skinny. I loved them so much, I bought two pairs. If you are looking for a pair of jeans that flatter all of your curves, I highly recommend you check out what Levi's has to offer.

For my ladies with the thick thighs, what are your favorite jeans?

Are You Ready To Jump?

/

A year ago on October 12, 2014, I jumped out of a plane and it changed my life. I know it sounds a bit cliche, but the jump was more than a thrill-seeking activity, it was the culmination of the hardest two years of my life. From the fall of 2012 to the spring of 2014, I was silently battling with severe depression and anxiety. The stresses of completing my dissertation and phd program, feeling unsatisfied with a career in academia, and feeling like I was lagging behind my non-graduate school friends, mixed with feelings of insecurity and fears of failure, caused me to fall down a dark hole of hopelessness and inadequacy that I saw no way out of. It was dark times. I felt that I couldn't achieve any of my goals. I was afraid to ask for help or to admit that I needed help. I didn't want people, especially my family and friends, to see me as a failure. And honestly I almost gave up on my degree, on my future, and on my life.

My road to mental health was long one. It started with first admitting to my graduate advisor/mentor that I was depressed and had stopped writing my dissertation because I was depressed and anxious. She was extremely understanding and forthright about her struggles as a woman in academia and told me something that I will never forget--"there is nothing wrong with needing help." She recommended I talk to my doctor about my depression so that I could work on a plan to restore my mental health and to move forward with my life and goals. Although it was hard, I followed her advice and spoke to my doctor, who was also very helpful and understanding. With my doctor's guidance, I started my climb out of that dark hole of depression and anxiety.

The next (and hardest) step was talking to my mother about what I was dealing with. My fear of failure has been strongly connected to my desire to make my mother proud. She sacrificed so much for me to make sure that I got a good education. She is an immigrant. She is focused and hard working woman. She is my role model. I have never ever felt comfortable admitting to her when I couldn't do something. I felt ashamed that I was having so much trouble getting my dissertation done or that I was seeking help. After I was honest with her about my issues, she surprised me with her response. She told me that she cared about me being happy and healthy and not whether or not I got my phd, and she supported whatever I wanted to do, as long as I was happy doing it. From that moment, she did a series of things that helped me further climb out of my dark hole. She threw down a rope and encouraged me as I pulled myself up.

By the time I got to the airfield on October 12, 2014 for my skydiving jump, I had overcome many obstacles physically and mentally. I had completed a final draft of my dissertation and was preparing to defend it in front of my committee and my family and friends later that month. I had climbed out of the dark hole and found a new happiness, new career focus, and new strength. I was ready to start the next chapter of my life. To move forward. To face my fears and doubts head on. When I jumped out of the plane, I let go. I gave myself over to God and the elements and laughed (literally) at fear and doubt. After I successfully planted my feet on the ground, I felt that I could conquer anything. I jumped out of a F#$%ing plane. I can do anything. I have no reason to be afraid of what people think of me or my work, to be afraid of failing, or to be afraid of following my gut and doing the things I need to be happy and healthy spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Check out my JUMP in the video below.

Apps I Love: Bitmoji iOS keyboard

/

Yesterday I discovered this cool iOS keyboard in MacWorld magazine. Forget the smiley faces and those little yellow emoji faces (that only recently started to include brown faces and look like no one).

Bitmoji

iOS keyboard allows you to create your own avatar to truly express yourself when you are talking to your family and friends. The app is so much fun and will liven up any conversation. Plus, you can download it for free on your phone. 

Check out my avatar and some of my favorite backgrounds. Aren't I cute? Create your own and share with me. 

Is Bigger Better?

/

Is bigger better? Before you start getting up in arms, I am not talking about the male sex organ. I can answer that question for myself. What am talking about is the booty, particularly the size of the female booty. I have been sitting on this question (literally and figuratively) for awhile now, ever since booty injections and implants and Brazilian butt lifts have become the new boob job. The days of people being obsessed with the Dolly Partons, Pam Griers, and Pamela Andersons of the world are over. Well it is not really over. People still love big boobs. But there is a female body part that has become the object of people's sexual gaze.

Today, people, both men and women, rich and poor, people of color and whites, are overly obsessed with big booties (myself included). It seems that you need to have a

booty

donkey

 elephant booty to be considered sexy, desirable, or dateable by mainstream society. There are young women who have Instagram pages with post after post of back shots showing off their booties. Look at Kim Kardashian. She would not be a media spectacle without her large (fat injected, possibly Brazilian butt lifted) booty, which Kanye loves squeezing, showcasing, and talking about to any and every one. It is not her infamous sex tape with Ray-J or the reality show(s) with her family (that E! refuses to take off the air for a second). It is her shape, specifically her small waist and gigantic booty.  She has made a name and social media empire from pictures of her booty (clothed, oiled up, sandy, and bare). On her family show, she spent an episode creating booty selfies for her husband Kanye West (which she eventually put together and published as part of a 1000-page book of selfies of herself called "Selfish").

Sadly, big and round booties have been seen for a lifetime on many women of African descent (from the "Venus Hottentot" Sarah Baartman to Jennifer Lopez to Serena Williams), but has not brought them the same amount of adoration, fame, and wealth solely from this body part. You may argue that J.Lo got a lot attention for her booty. And yes she did. Who doesn't remember hearing rumors that she ensure her famous booty for a million dollars? But, unlike Kim K, it was not J. Lo's booty that put her on the map. She danced and acted her way into the public eye and then people noticed her shape, particularly her big booty. In the curious case of Sarah Baartman, who was put on display in Europe because of her voluptuous shape, she gained much fame but did not gain any wealth or adoration from (white) people's obsession with her booty.

As a woman with a not so big booty, I will admit that the age of the big booty has impacted my self-image. Every time I walk by a mirror I push out my butt a little and check how it looks in my jeans/skirts/dresses, and then wish that it would grow 2 sizes (along with my boobs because I refuse to not be proportionate) so I can

pop off an Instagram modeling career

 be desired by men, envied by women, and rapped about by rappers (don't act like you wouldn't geek out if you were immortalized in song---see

this

 and

this

 and

that

 for examples of good love for the "big booty"songs).

This brings me back to my original question. When it comes to the female booty, is bigger better? Is there such a thing as a "too big" booty? Does it matter if it is real or fake? Does it matter to whom a big booty is attached? Why does a big booty seemingly get more"positive" reactions when a white women has one than when a women of African descent has one? What impact has society's obsession with disproportionately large booties had on the self-image of women, especially young girls, in America?

Speak on it!