I'm going to start calling this #TherapyThursdays because I always feel better after I get these things off my chest.
This week on "Lemme Get This Off My Chest," I try to unravel the enigma wrapped in a turd wrapped in ignorance that is Donald J. Trump, particularly his popular campaign slogan. What does he mean by "making America great again"?
Actress Stacey Dash showed her
, calling for getting rid of BET, BET Awards, NAACP awards, and BLACK HISTORY MONTH in the name of racial integration. I couldn't go into the weekend with this fire on my chest. This is me letting go and letting God deal with this stupid woman.
Woke up this morning with this song on my soul. It is my favorite Sheryl Crow song. I love the grit in her voice.
I am so tired of women posting pictures of men and their girlfriends/wives hugged up on a beach or posing for Instagram and then hash tagging them as their "relationship goals." You know what I am talking about it. Okay. There are on a beach. Okay they look cute together. But what does this say about their relationship. I like cute lovey pictures too, but give me something "real".
When I saw this scene below in the movie Creed (2015), I immediately hash tagged it (in my head) as my "life goals". You can keep your staged, strolling down the beach couples pictures. Give me a relationship in which my man is helping me untangle my hair as we speak about life. Yes, Jesus! What are your relationship/life goals?
http://isaacoscar.tumblr.com/post/135913985948/so-my-plan-has-always-just-been-to-do-what-i-love
It's a new new year, time to add a new book to my reading list. New Year. If you have been following my "What I am Reading" series here on Figure Out Your Life blog, then you know that during the fall I began a movie-to-book themed reading series---that is, reading books that were the source material for movies that I have seen. I ended 2015 with the page-turning, and amazingly well adapted-to-a-movie, book "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn. Check out my other book reviews
.
In the spirit of starting off the new year right, I have decided to change up things and read an inspirational book. My first book of the year is "Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person" by creator of tv shows "Grey's Anatomy," "Scandal," and "How to Get Away with Murder,"and queen mother of #TGIT (Thank God It's Thursday) on ABC, Shonda Rhimes.
I am at the very end of this book and I love it. It is funny, insightful, and inspiring. Shonda brings us in her world and holds nothing back, as she recounts her one year journey of saying "yes" to everything that made her scared, nervous, and uncomfortable. During that year, she lost 127lbs, made the commencement speech at her alma mater Dartmouth College, got closer to her family and friends, shed some toxic friends, covered magazines, to name a few of the things she did once she stopped saying "no." My favorite chapters are "Say Yes to No" and "Say Yes to Who I Am." I have already bookmarked those chapters and I am sure I will going back to them over the course of this year when I need a boost. Highly recommend this book!!! Get it today---the ebook, paperback, hardcover, or the audiobook.
Book Summary:
In this poignant, hilarious, and deeply intimate call to arms, Hollywood’s most powerful woman, the mega-talented creator of Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal and executive producer of How to Get Away with Murder reveals how saying YES changed her life—and how it can change yours too.
She’s the creator and producer of some of the most groundbreaking and audacious shows on television today:
Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder
. Her iconic characters—Meredith Grey, Cristina Yang, Olivia Pope, Annalise Keating—live boldly and speak their minds. So who would suspect that Shonda Rhimes, the mega talent who owns Thursday night television (#TGIT), is an introvert? That she hired a publicist so she could
avoid
public appearances? That she hugged walls at splashy parties and suffered panic attacks before media interviews so severe she remembered nothing afterward?
Before her Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes was an expert at declining invitations others would leap to accept. With three children at home and three hit television shows on TV, it was easy to say that she was simply too busy. But in truth, she was also afraid. Afraid of cocktail party faux pas like chucking a chicken bone across a room; petrified of live television appearances where Shonda Rhimes could trip and fall and bleed out right there in front of a live studio audience; terrified of the difficult conversations that came so easily to her characters on-screen. In the
before
, Shonda’s introvert life revolved around burying herself in work, snuggling her children, and comforting herself with food.
And then, on Thanksgiving 2013, Shonda’s sister muttered something that was both a wake up and a call to arms:
You never say yes to anything.
The comment sat like a grenade, until it detonated. Then Shonda, the youngest of six children from a supremely competitive family, knew she had to embrace the challenge: for one year, she would say YES to everything that scared her.
This poignant, intimate, and hilarious memoir explores Shonda’s life
before
her Year of Yes—from her nerdy, book-loving childhood creating imaginary friends to her devotion to creating television characters who reflected the world she saw around her (like Cristina Yang, whose ultimate goal wasn’t marriage, and Cyrus Beene, who is a Republican
and
gay). And it chronicles her life
after
her Year of Yes had begun—when Shonda forced herself out of the house and onto the stage, appearing on
Jimmy Kimmel Live
, and giving the Dartmouth Commencement speech; when she learned to say yes to her health, yes to play and she stepped out of the shadows and into the sun; when she learned to explore, empower, applaud, and love her truest self. Yes.
This wildly candid and compulsively readable book reveals how the mega talented Shonda Rhimes, an unexpected introvert, achieved badassery worthy of a Shondaland character. And how you can, too.
**book summary taken from: http://books.simonandschuster.com/Year-of-Yes/Shonda-Rhimes/9781476777092
Check out the first episode in my new YouTube series where I shoot the shit, read folks, roll my eyes, and get sh!t off my chest. Better out than in! It is cathartic (highly recommend) :)
It is 2016. A brand new year, a chance for a brand new start... (pause)
Reflecting on 2015, it was actually a pretty great year for me. Although I did not accomplish all of my five new year's resolutions for 2015, I can't say that I want to change much for 2016. I think revising or tweaking some things in my life may be the better choice than changing them.
So, let's review my five new year's resolutions from the previous year:
1. Get a jobB (i.e., job with benefits)
I really tried on this one. Sent out tons and tons of resumes. Got all the way to final round but no dice. I guess it was not my year for a job with benefits. But, I did get a lead on a few good ones for the next year so....I will say this goal is in a work in progress.
2. Be in a long, healthy, happy relationship
Yes. I am still single (sorry mummy and daddy). But, the men I dated were not right for me. One guy was very nice but not interested in anything I liked to do. Another was celibate indefinitely but wanted to spank me (WTF, bro?). Another was a
unreliable, inconsiderate, self-centered man
Fuck Boy. I am not interested in sacrificing my happiness and self-worth to "have a man."
However, if you want to get technical, I did kinda accomplish this goal. This past year I was in a very long, loving, and healthy relationship with myself. Toya T and I went on many amazing adventures together. We laughed, we cried, we watched Netflix and chilled, and we ate some yummy food. So, I am going to reward myself for this one. Yay to me!!! This year I am going to add "with a man" to end of the resolution and hope for an equally successful outcome.
3. Move into my own place
Fail! I still live at home with my mummy. But, I don't pay rent...so Yay!! Adding this one onto the 2016 list (without revisions).
4. Travel some place new internationally and domestically
Success! Goal! Touchdown! I traveled to 2 continents and 8 countries in 2015, including my first trip to Asia. It was definitely a year of travel. I saw some amazing things, ate some yummy foods, and made some great memories. This goal is getting added to the 2016 (without revisions).
5. Tone up and get back into a size 8
This one did not happen. I started and stopped several times but just couldn't keep a momentum. Though I am the biggest I have ever been, I have learned to not beat myself up about it. I am still fly, even as Juicy T. And, this is just a challenge that I have to spend a little extra effort and time on in 2016.
Overall, I may not have accomplished all of my resolutions, but I have definitely laid the groundwork to achieve them in the future; hopefully 2016 will be that year.
In an earlier blog post, I talked about the
importance of living in your truth.
I specifically discussed how I decided to be more authentic at work, in the classroom with my students. I was really tired of splitting my energy between presenting a professional image of a college professor (that was very much based on a socio-historical/cultural image of college professors as "old white men") and being myself. When I first started teaching at my current university, I was so worried that the students were judging me based on my youth, race, and gender that I developed a
about my teaching (despite this being my third university teaching job). I was afraid of my students viewing as "the unqualified, bad black female professor." So, I over-prepared and carefully chose my words when I spoke. And, if I misspelled or mispronounced something, I internally freaked out and then beat myself up about it after class. I hated going to work. I was miserable, severely anxious, and deeply depressed. This way of being was not healthy and limited my capacity to put forth my best work.
Though things got better as I got used to teaching at this university, I still had a bit of anxiety about my teaching. This all changed this semester; I decided that I was going to stop "playing professor" and just be myself all the time---smart, young, loud, opinionated, quirky, emotional, a bit fearless, and #veryblack. I wore my "
," "
," and "
" sweatshirts, and
, with my dress pants, skirts, and shoes. I didn't back down from talking about racism, sexism, homophobia, police brutality, islamophobia, xenophobia, and other social ills happening on campus and across this country. I let go of my insecurities and "kept it 100" (as one of my students said). I stopped worrying about their evaluations of me. I talked to my students the way I talk to everyone else in my life. I challenged my students and myself to be honest, open, and authentic inside and outside the classroom. I admitted when I was wrong or didn't know something. I laughed at my spelling mistakes and brain farts. I allowed my passion for teaching take up 100% of my energy and focus while I was in the classroom.
After doing all of these things, I can honestly say I no longer feel anxious. Instead, I am now happy at work. And, I am getting the respect and praise that I wanted, needed, and deserved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are the responses I received (in the form of notes from some of my students and a special message from the Provost/Vice President of Academic Affairs) after I decided to "be authentic" at work:
Professor Tavernier, I thank you so much for all the work you have done and all the care you have taken for your class this semester. You can see what a difference you are making. How lucky we are to have you teaching with us.
To all of you, thank you for all you do.
Thanks,
Provost, Vice President for Academic Affairs
thank you for teaching this semester and making my brain work.
Happy Holidays,
Akira
Hope you have an wonderful christmas break Dr. T.
It was a pleasure having you as a professor, hope to see You again soon.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Thanks,
Crayton
Professor, I would just like to thank you for an incredible semester! I learned a lot and I hope we can stay in touch. Have a good break and happy holidays!
-Gregory
I really enjoyed our class this semester and I hope that you have a great break.
Thank you,
Amber
Thank you for a great semester!
Hope to see you soon,
Joleen
i wanted to thank you for an amazing semester and experience have a happy holiday and wish the best for you in the future.
Sincerely,
Rony
I had a wonderful semester. I will easily try to take another one of your classes. i hope you had a great holiday, and Happy new year!
Kenneth
Thank you for being such a great influence on me this semester. You have taught me more life lessons than probably anyone. I appreciate you so much and am truly going to miss you. I am going to visit you next semester so please send me your office hours! Have a fabulous winter break and a very Merry Christmas! Don't forget about me! <3
-Maddy
Thank you for a great class. You really opened my eyes to alot of things and I learned alot as well.
Keep keepin it real
Thanks again,
Timothy
Thank you for teaching our class. I truly enjoyed it. Have a good break!!
-Samantha
Professor,
Thank you for a great semester!
-Olivia
It was a pleasure being in your class.
Thank You
Alex
Thank you for a fun and interesting class. I feel it really helped me learn a lot about things that are super important to me.
Thank you!
Jace
I hope you have a great break and thank you for being a great teacher. I look forward to taking another class with you in the future!
Thanks again,
Bobby
I just wanted to say thank you for this semester. You were one of the best teachers I've ever had and I am looking forward to being in your class (white collar crime) in the spring semester.
Enjoy the holidays,
Sydney
Hello Professor Tavernier,
I Just wanted to say Thank you for all your help and support during the class it was greatly appreciated and I learned a lot and I definitely keep in touch! Have a great break
Hi Dr.Tavernier,
I really enjoyed your class.You made it fun and a real learning experience.I wish the best to you and your family for a happy and joyfull holiday.
Dan
CHLOE & MAUD featuring CECILY - A Tap Christmas Song
MERRY CHRISTMAS ❤️ from my sister Maud Arnold and songstress Cecily Alexa Bumbray. Santa gave us the best gifts ever: Life, love, Art, Family, Friendships! We wish you and yours peace, love, and happiness! @chloeandmaud #MamaSaidNoTapShoesOnMyWoodFloor #barefoot #tap #music #happyholidays #merrychristmas __________________________________________________Thanks for sharing all of the videos- watch them on IG @chloeandmaud - prizes announced tonight!Thanks #Brandon and Gabrina Dixon and mom for all those lessons!!
Posted by Chloe Arnold on Friday, December 25, 2015
I am working on this every day. Learning to accept change is a hard thing to do but it's necessary.
Next up on my movies-to-books reading series is "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn. If you have not seen the movie of the same name, starring Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike, and directed by David Fincher, I highly suggest you go and watch it (either before or after reading this book).
I am almost done with the book and thus far I enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed watching the movie. As I move through the book, I have noticed that the movie perfectly adapted the book. The movie changed very little of the storyline and characters, only omitting things to keep the movie, I suspect, from running too long. The book has all the great extra details about the characters that you may be missing from the movie.
If you are looking for a good psychological thriller, I highly recommend you check out this book by Gillian Flynn.
Book Summary*
On a warm summer morning in North Carthage, Missouri, it is Nick and Amy Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary. Presents are being wrapped and reservations are being made when Nick’s clever and beautiful wife disappears. Husband-of-the-Year Nick isn’t doing himself any favors with cringe-worthy daydreams about the slope and shape of his wife’s head, but passages from Amy's diary reveal the alpha-girl perfectionist could have put anyone dangerously on edge. Under mounting pressure from the police and the media—as well as Amy’s fiercely doting parents—the town golden boy parades an endless series of lies, deceits, and inappropriate behavior. Nick is oddly evasive, and he’s definitely bitter—but is he really a killer?
*Summary taken from
http://gillian-flynn.com/gone-girl/
Hello There!
I’m Toya T—a Black Woman PhD, podcast host, and traveler. I love sharing pieces of my life and all of the tips, tricks, and lessons I have learned from my experiences. Hopefully my blog will help you on your journey to figuring out how to live your best life.
@LATOYAT on Instagram
Welcome to Figure Out Your Life Blog where I share everything what I have learned thus far about life. Hope you’ll come back again. Enjoy!
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