Why Guys Pull Away: The Rubber Band Effect

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If you have been following my blog, you know that your girl Toya T is living single and looking for love. And so far, I have not had the best of luck. My most recent dating endeavor did not end as happily as I hoped. And, it seemed like I should have seen it coming. He likes to play disappearing acts...and I do not.

Somehow...I don't know...maybe the love gods got tired of watching (and laughing) at my pitiful attempt at finding love and decided to help me out a bit. Regardless of how or why it happened, I came across this Youtube video by Jenny Delish (from Real World Ex-plosion fame) that gave one of the best dating analogies I have heard. It gave me a bit of insight on some of my dating flaws.

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Words of Wisdom (from Oprah): There Are No Mistakes!

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Hey Folks Trying to Figure Out Life,

I know it has been a few weeks since I posted on here. This month has been a bit hectic. As many of you know, I teach part-time at one of the local universities in the Sociology Department. What you don't know is that for the entire Spring semester I was interviewing for a full time position in my department. For the last three weeks, I was waiting to hear back about the position. At the same time, I was finishing up the semester, grading final papers and exams, packing for my annual family cruise to the Caribbean (more details on this trip in an upcoming blog post), and dealing with dating drama (more on that in an upcoming post too). So, I had to take a bit of a hiatus from my precious blog/public journal/soapbox.

Well...hiatus is done. Unfortunately, I did not get the full time position ( that I was pretty damn sure I was going to get). They picked the other guy (literally!). Learned about it via email, in the middle of my vacation (in the middle of the Caribbean Sea) and I just felt like jumping off the boat to save myself from the embarrassment of telling others I did not get the job (again)... This is me being completely honest. Getting another "I regret to inform you" email has left me feeling a bit hopeless about my future. I love teaching and working with students. But, the last couple of days I was starting to feel like I was never going to get a job. I have been a finalist several jobs in the past few years and I have started to get used to "almost getting the job."

Fortunately, I have a great support system, including a best friend who always there to keep me motivated and to encourage me to use my disappointment as fuel for my next move, and Oprah, who always says the things that I need to hear when I need to hear it.

Below is a video that I came across on Facebook this morning and it just made me feel hopeful, inspired, and motivated. If you need some words of wisdom from Oprah, check this out and share with others.

I am ready to make my next move. Are you?

Highlights from the #BlackGirlMovement Conference 2016

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I had such an amazing experience at the first national Black Girl Movement Conference in New York City. It was an indescribable feeling to be in a room filled with black women, black girls, and black female scholars, activists, and game-changers talking about the greatness of black girls and black girlhood. Looking around it felt like I stepped into a different world. 

There were black girls of all ages, shapes, shades and hair textures, proudly proclaiming their love for themselves and each other. The three days of the Black Girl Movement Conference was a celebration of black girlhood and all the things that make us unique, from the games we play to the way we wear our hair. Even though I am in my 30s, I sometimes need a reminder of how great it is to be a black girl because there are so many times that we are not shown how beautiful, smart, unique, strong, powerful, talented, and amazing we are, always have been, and always will be. 

The mainstream media largely ignores us. When we are assaulted, kidnapped, or killed, we do not get the same attention and urgency as our white counterparts receive. We are often told that we are not beautiful. Our bodies are scrutinized, fetishized, and degraded. Our hair and hairstyles are considered  unkempt, dirty, and unprofessional. But, when a white girl displays any of our characteristics, features, or cultural stylings, there are considered attractive, fashionable, exotically beautiful, and innovative. 

This conference truly is a movement. It is a reminder, declaration, battle cry: BLACK GIRLS MATTER AND THEY ARE ALL THE MAGIC THEY WILL EVER NEED.

I really hope they continue this conference for years to come. Here are some of the highlights: 

Panel Session: Writing and Researching Black Girls

Only at a Black Girl Movement Conference will you find a sing-along 

Little bit of black girls moving, led by Camille A. Brown. 

Check out those moves (and smiles). 

#BlackGirlArt:::Picturing Black Girlhood exhibit (at Raw Space in NYC)

My black girlhood, all you needed was chalk and a pebble. 

Join the movement:

http://iraas.columbia.edu/Event/black-girl-movement-conference

#blackgirlmovement #bgm2016

#BlackGirlMovement National Conference, April 7-9

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I am in New York City this weekend to attend the first Black Girl Movement National Conference. I am so excited about attending this event/this special moment in history. As a black girl, I feel that issues I have faced in my lifetime are not often addressed. I am extremely proud of my alma mater Columbia University for developing and sponsoring this much-needed meeting on the state of black girls past, present, and in the future. 

If you are interested in checking out this black girl magical moment, click

here

for more details or check it out on livestream

here

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Black Girl Movement: A National Conference” is a three-day gathering at Columbia University in New York City to focus on Black girls, cis, queer, and trans girls, in the United States. Bringing together artists, activists, educators, policymakers, and black girls leaders themselves, this first national conference on Black girls seeks to address the disadvantages that Black girls in the United States face, while creating the political will to publicly acknowledge their achievements, contributions, and leadership.Girl Movement: A National Conference” is a three-day gathering at Columbia University in New York City to focus on Black girls, cis, queer, and trans girls, in the United States. Bringing together artists, activists, educators, policymakers, and black girls leaders themselves, this first national conference on Black girls seeks to address the disadvantages that Black girls in the United States face, while creating the political will to publicly acknowledge their achievements, contributions, and leadership.

3 Fitness Tools to Help You Lose Weight and Get in Shape

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Are you trying to lose weight and get in shape?

To reach my body goals, I am utilizing some fitness tools that have helped me lose weight and get in shape in the past.

  1. 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse by JJ Smith 

I first learned of the "10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse" from my Zumba instructor. She lost more than 10 lbs after completely her first 10 days of the cleanse. She looked healthy and significantly smaller. Soon after she told me about the book, I bought the book immediately (available at amazon.com for $10.99 kindle/ $9.59 paperback).   

The book provides a shopping list, recipes, and detailed instructions for the 10-day cleanse, along with suggestions for getting the best results. It also offers advice on how to continue to lose weight and maintain good health afterwards.

There are two versions of the cleanse---the full cleanse (which includes drinking 3 smoothies as your daily meals) and the partial cleanse (which includes drinking 2 smoothies a day for breakfast and lunch and eating a healthy meal for dinner). I recently completed the partial cleanse and lost about 5 lbs (with some cheats). Honestly, the first few days of this cleanse is rough, and the author tells you that you may experience fatigue, hunger pains, irritability, and other side effects while your body goes through the detox process. But, it definitely is very useful for developing, or redeveloping, healthy eating habits.  

2. Nike Training Club App

Nike Training Club is hands down the BEST FITNESS APP!!! My very fit and toned BFF told me about this app about 4 or 5 years ago and it has been my go-to fitness tool to get in shape. Plus, this app is FREE (available for download in the App Store for iPhones and Google Play for Androids) !!

Designed specifically for women, this app provides more than 85 instructor-narrated fitness routines—basically it's an audio-only exercise video you can play from your phone. It tracks your progress and rewards efforts with custom workouts created by Nike’s professionals, pro athletes and celebrities such as Glee star Lea Michele, Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson, and personal trainer Ary Nunez, who trains Rihanna. You can also create playlists to go along with your workouts, and, if ever you don't understand what the instructor is talking about, you can click into a video.

Since February, I have been working my way through the Get Lean program, which is designed to burn fat and lose inches with 3 - 6 workouts per week and yoga to energize you. The program offers three levels---beginner, intermediate, and advanced---and each level lasts 4 weeks. I am currently in the middle of week 1 of the advanced level, having completed the beginner and intermediate levels. The workouts have been kicking my butt, but I have seen results. My stamina and energy has increased, my legs, butt, and arms are more toned, and the pot in my belly has gotten shrunk with each week. I feel stronger and more energized. 

3. MyFitnessPal App 

MyFitnessPal makes losing weight a little bit easier. Studies have shown that there are many weight loss benefits to keeping a diary of the food you eat, the water you drink, and the activities you do. MyFitnessPal allows you to log your meals, water consumption, and workouts/activities easily and quickly. It also syncs with popular fitness apps like Fitbit (which I also use in my fitness journey). Plus, the app is free (available for download in the App Store for iPhones, the Marketplace for Windows phones, and Google Play for Android phones) !!

Bonus:

C9 Champion Power Core Compression Racerback Sports Bra ($16.99 at Target)

A good sports bra is also extremely important in losing weight. I got this sports bra for free from Influenster to review and I have used it every week since it arrived in my mailbox. The C9 Champion Sports Bra provides medium support and a compressive fit. Wicking fabric stretches to move with you and dries fast to keep you cool. The sports bra gives me great support during my NTC workouts.  

Interested in joining Influenster and getting products from the brands you love (or will soon love) for FREE, click here. 

#MotivationMusic: Closer by Goapele

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I have big things on my horizon. With all of the negativity and distractions in the world, listening to this song (and Goapele's voice) soothes my soul, calms my fears, and reminds me every step I take is bringing me closer to my dreams.

Hopefully, this song helps you stay motivated and focused on your dreams. Enjoy

#PhenomenalWomenMonth : Old Skool Ladies Hip Hop Classic "I Wanna Be Down" Remix

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Old Skool Ladies HIP HOP ... Classic I WANNA BE DOWN // BRANDY...

Old Skool Ladies HIP HOP ... Classic I WANNA BE DOWN // BRANDY // QUEEN LATIFAH .... #PressPlay

Posted by Vintage OLD SKOOL on Sunday, March 20, 2016

Talk about "Black Don't Crack!" : 1995 (image on top) and then 2014 (image on the bottom)