How To Be Happy At Work: Be Authentic

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In an earlier blog post, I talked about the

importance of living in your truth.

 I specifically discussed how I decided to be more authentic at work, in the classroom with my students. I was really tired of splitting my energy between presenting a professional image of a college professor (that was very much based on a socio-historical/cultural image of college professors as "old white men") and being myself. When I first started teaching at my current university, I was so worried that the students were judging me based on my youth, race, and gender that I developed a

severe anxiety

 about my teaching (despite this being my third university teaching job). I was afraid of my students viewing as "the unqualified, bad black female professor." So, I over-prepared and carefully chose my words when I spoke. And, if I misspelled or mispronounced something, I internally freaked out and then beat myself up about it after class. I hated going to work. I was miserable, severely anxious, and deeply depressed. This way of being was not healthy and limited my capacity to put forth my best work. 

Though things got better as I got used to teaching at this university, I still had a bit of anxiety about my teaching. This all changed this semester; I decided that I was going to stop "playing professor" and just be myself all the time---smart, young, loud, opinionated, quirky, emotional, a bit fearless, and #veryblack. I wore my "

Notorious BIG

," "

Hillman College

," and "

Because of Them We Can

" sweatshirts, and 

Nola Darling shirt pins

, with my dress pants, skirts, and shoes. I didn't back down from talking about racism, sexism, homophobia, police brutality, islamophobia, xenophobia, and other social ills happening on campus and across this country. I let go of my insecurities and "kept it 100" (as one of my students said). I stopped worrying about their evaluations of me. I talked to my students the way I talk to everyone else in my life. I challenged my students and myself to be honest, open, and authentic inside and outside the classroom. I admitted when I was wrong or didn't know something. I laughed at my spelling mistakes and brain farts. I allowed my passion for teaching take up 100% of my energy and focus while I was in the classroom. 

After doing all of these things, I can honestly say I no longer feel anxious. Instead, I am now happy at work. And, I am getting the respect and praise that I wanted, needed, and deserved. 

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Here are the responses I received (in the form of notes from some of my students and a special message from the Provost/Vice President of Academic Affairs) after I decided to "be authentic" at work: 

Professor Tavernier, I thank you so much for all the work you have done and all the care you have taken for your class this semester.  You can see what a difference you are  making.  How lucky we are to have you teaching with us.

To all of you, thank you for all you do.

Thanks,



Provost, Vice President for Academic Affairs

thank you for teaching this semester and making my brain work. 

Happy Holidays,

Akira

Hope you have an wonderful christmas break Dr. T.

It was a pleasure having you as a professor, hope to see You again soon.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Thanks, 

Crayton

Professor, I would just like to thank you for an incredible semester! I learned a lot and I hope we can stay in touch. Have a good break and happy holidays!

-Gregory

I really enjoyed our class this semester and I hope that you have a great break.

Thank you, 

Amber

Thank you for a great semester!

Hope to see you soon,

Joleen

i wanted to thank you for an amazing semester and experience have a happy holiday and wish the best for you in the future.

Sincerely,

            Rony

I had a wonderful semester. I will easily try to take another one of your classes. i hope you had a great holiday, and Happy new year!

Kenneth

Thank you for being such a great influence on me this semester. You have taught me more life lessons than probably anyone. I appreciate you so much and am truly going to miss you. I am going to visit you next semester so please send me your office hours! Have a fabulous winter break and a very Merry Christmas! Don't forget about me!  <3 

-Maddy 

Thank you for a great class. You really opened my eyes to alot of things and I learned alot as well. 

Keep keepin  it real

Thanks again, 

Timothy

Thank you for teaching our class. I truly enjoyed it. Have a good break!!

-Samantha

Professor, 

Thank you for a great semester!

   -Olivia

It was a pleasure being in your class.

Thank You

Alex

Thank you for a fun and interesting class. I feel it really helped me learn a lot about things that are super important to me.

Thank you!

Jace

I hope you have a great break and thank you for being a great teacher. I look forward to taking another class with you in the future!

Thanks again,

Bobby

I just wanted to say thank you for this semester. You were one of the best teachers I've ever had and I am looking forward to being in your class (white collar crime) in the spring semester.

Enjoy the holidays,

Sydney

Hello Professor Tavernier, 

I Just wanted to say Thank you for all your help and support during the class it was greatly appreciated and I learned a lot and I definitely keep in touch! Have a great break 

Hi Dr.Tavernier,

‪I really enjoyed your class.You made it fun and a real learning experience.I wish the best to you and your family for a happy and joyfull holiday. 

Dan

Merry Christmas from Toya T to You

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CHLOE & MAUD featuring CECILY - A Tap Christmas Song
MERRY CHRISTMAS ❤️ from my sister Maud Arnold and songstress Cecily Alexa Bumbray. Santa gave us the best gifts ever: Life, love, Art, Family, Friendships! We wish you and yours peace, love, and happiness! @chloeandmaud #MamaSaidNoTapShoesOnMyWoodFloor #barefoot #tap #music #happyholidays #merrychristmas __________________________________________________Thanks for sharing all of the videos- watch them on IG @chloeandmaud - prizes announced tonight!Thanks #Brandon and Gabrina Dixon and mom for all those lessons!!
Posted by Chloe Arnold on Friday, December 25, 2015

What I Am Reading: Gone Girl By Gillian Flynn

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Next up on my movies-to-books reading series is "Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn. If you have not seen the movie of the same name, starring Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike, and directed by David Fincher, I highly suggest you go and watch it (either before or after reading this book).

I am almost done with the book and thus far I enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed watching the movie. As I move through the book, I have noticed that the movie perfectly adapted the book. The movie changed very little of the storyline and characters, only omitting things to keep the movie, I suspect, from running too long. The book has all the great extra details about the characters that you may be missing from the movie.

If you are looking for a good psychological thriller, I highly recommend you check out this book by Gillian Flynn.

Book Summary*

On a warm summer morning in North Carthage, Missouri, it is Nick and Amy Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary. Presents are being wrapped and reservations are being made when Nick’s clever and beautiful wife disappears. Husband-of-the-Year Nick isn’t doing himself any favors with cringe-worthy daydreams about the slope and shape of his wife’s head, but passages from Amy's diary reveal the alpha-girl perfectionist could have put anyone dangerously on edge. Under mounting pressure from the police and the media—as well as Amy’s fiercely doting parents—the town golden boy parades an endless series of lies, deceits, and inappropriate behavior. Nick is oddly evasive, and he’s definitely bitter—but is he really a killer?

*Summary taken from 

http://gillian-flynn.com/gone-girl/

Monica's Special Message For My Students

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Had the great pleasure of meeting Monica after her Code Red Experience Tour in NYC. I told her I was a long time fan and traveled to NYC from Boston on Sunday to see her, despite having to teach an early morning class the next day. She graciously offered to record a special message for them.

Monica and Toya T. Bucket List Moment. December 13, 2015

Me and My Students. Sociology. Social Inequality Class. December 14, 2015

Me and My Students. Criminology. Social Deviance Class. December 15, 2015

Still Standing By Monica --The Code Red Tour (Live at the Gramercy)

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I told y'all in an earlier post that "Still Standing" was one of my top 5 Monica songs. Last night, I got to see her perform it live at the Gramercy Theater in New York City. The message of this song is so powerful. It is about overcoming the odds and standing strong. This song helped me get through some tough times. And, I feel it is fitting that I got to hear Monica sing it as this year---my best year in the last 3 years---comes to a close. I am truly grateful to be STILL STANDING.

Check out this song's lyrics and Monica's powerful performance:

Still Standing 

Mama always told me

Baby, you gotta walk by faith

And not by sight

Real talk, you gotta listen

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ooh, yeah

Oh, listen to me now, I'm gonna say it loud

So you won't be confused 'bout what we talkin' 'bout

I been through the storm, had dirt on my name

I'm still holding on, champion of the game

(They said)

Whatever, don't kill, you make you stronger

Well, I must be the world's strongest woman

See I done, done a whole lotta growin'

Everything you say, I'm already knowin'

'Cause I

I been up against ropes

Everything you're going through

I been there before, seen them all come

And I seen them all go

You can bet your last that

My head won't hit the floor, never

And I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I had a lover take his own in front of me

I asked God, why is this happening to me?

But I didn't fold, I held my own

And now I'm deep in love with who I belong

(This is my life)

They say with age comes wisdom

And the white flag, I can't give 'em

Tryin' to tell you how it's s'posed to be

See, this is more than just a song to me

'Cause I

I been up against ropes

Everything you're going through

I been there before, seen them all come

And I seen them all go

You can bet your last that

My head won't hit the floor, never

And I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I'm unbreakable, baby

Luda, yeah, it's a family affair

I may have done the things they say I did

But I'm not who they say I am

Try to throw my name in the dirt

But I really don't give a damn

I'm still standing like the statue of liberty

And I put my name in the history books

So you'll forever remember me

Remember me as the toughest warrior

Or the ultimate fighter

'Cause I'm the truth and nothing but

It's like my hands on the bible

And it's the survival of the fittest

The realest, it's not a facade

Still standing on my two feet

'Cause I'm a child of God

Do something

I been up against ropes

Everything you're going through

I been there before, seen them all come

And I seen them all go

You can bet your last that

My head won't hit the floor, never

And I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I been up against ropes

Everything you're going through

I been there before, seen them all come

And I seen them all go

You can bet your last that

My head won't hit the floor, never

And I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I'm still standing, standing, standing, standing

I'm not gonna give up, never

Come too far to look back, oh

Oh, ohh, I been there before

I've seen it, I've seen it, I've done it

I've done it, I'm done, let me live my life now

I let it go, I let God, I let it go, and I let God

Don't hate me now

I ain't who I used to be no more

I'm still standing, I'm still standing

I'm still standing, oh, I'm still standing

I'm still standing, you can't take this joy away 

How to Deal with Judgmental Family Members During the Holidays

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In this episode of "The Read,"Crissle gave one of the dopest reads I have heard this year. Because she said it so well, I am going to use her words unfiltered to give a special message to some of my friends and my family for this holiday and for the new year (note: if you feel like I am talking to you, I probably am. Take note so you don't get the wrong end of my holiday cheer this year. Or, disown me, unfriend, delete my birthday, and keep my name out of your mouth).

Here is an excerpt of Crissle's read for family members that may want to open their mouth to make you feel small or less than because they have a problem with how you live your life:

"Do not let anybody start shit with you this year. A lot of us are encouraged to keep quiet, be nice, and just get along or don't say nothing, or respect elders--that's a big one. Or don't rock the damn boat. And don't be like this on Christmas and don't make it awkward. No, fuck them. Niggas shouldn't make you feel awkward. It's not your fault for retaliating. It's they fault for having the nerve to say something to you in the first fucking place. It's not your fault. You not wrong. You should not be admonished for say 'hey fuck you, I'm a grown ass adult and I'm going to do whatever I want. I like my body. I like my hair. I like my life. And you don't get to tell me that it needs to be any different.' Fuck them niggas. Don't let your uncle, aunty, grandma, niece, nephew, play cousin, don't let nobody try you this year. Cuss them niggas out and let them know you are not the one."

(The full episode for your listening pleasure)

My Top 5 Monica Songs

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I told y'all that I planned to end this year with a big bang. On Sunday, I will be attending my second concert of the month. This one is a little different because I have loved this artist for 20 years, from my preteen years to my 30s. I can remember first seeing Monica's "Don't Take It Personal" video on one of BET's (now defunct) music video shows and loving everything about her and the song. She was young, sassy, and gorgeous. Back when it was Monica versus Brandy (though I love both of them) in the teen pop singer wars, I was team Monica all the way. She was one of the artists on my music bucket lists to see perform live and this weekend I can check her off. Even better, I have VIP tickets and I will get a chance to meet her, get her autograph, and talk a picture with her. I hope I don't start crying (because that would completely mess up the epic picture I plan to take with her).

So, in anticipation of my Monica experience, I have compiled a list of my favorite Monica songs. Sit back and enjoy the amazing vocals of Miss Monica. 

Album---"Miss Thang"

Album---"Miss Thang"

Album---"New Life"

Album---"New Life"

Album--"Still Standing"